Look what I found in my letterbox!

Weekend Round Up – Religion

Welcome to the first of what I’m going to call the World at the Weekend. And I’m going to start off with a safe topic that will court no controversy and is unlikely to upset anyone. So with that in mind I present you the star of this weeks show: Religion.

Now as much as I might be tempted this is NOT going to be a rant about all major religions. At least not this week. Instead it’s going to be aimed at something I got through my door over Christmas. A Christmas Card of a fashion from some bizarre types calling themselves The Apostolic Fellowship of Christ.

The card features on its front “Time is Running Out!” and a picture of an hourglass. Actually… I’ll just take a photo and insert it below. Much easier doing it that way. But suffice to say a rather alarmist thing to get through your letterbox on a New Years Eve morning. Jesus is coming back?! When?! Where?! Thankfully opening up this little card of joy I found myself invited to a whole wealth of lectures that claim to answer those very questions.

Look what I found in my letterbox!

Now my issue here isn’t religion in general. It’s about sprouting alarmist crap down other peoples necks and the way I see it it is an invasion of personal privacy. I wouldn’t go round sprouting my religion (Hail to the Hammer!) to just anyone. It isn’t the done thing. Not in a civilised 21st century world such as the one we live in. Yet here it is. I supposed I should be lucky they haven’t gone the Jehovah’s Witness route and gone door to door with a knock knock knock.

Evangelical Religions will always be a sore point for me. To me Religion is a deeply personal thing. I respect people for their personal beliefs. And I will support their right to believe in anything they so wish. BUT (and you just knew that there was a big ‘but’ coming didn’t you) I do have a huge problem with people who feel it is there God (Allah, Buddha, Jehovah, Satan, Thor, Odin, Zeus, etc) given right to go around and try and recruit others. We do not allow cults to operate in this manner yet how come these few Religions get a free pass?

I wanted a punchy snappy conclusion about now but I think I’m getting into this. Instead I’m going to have a look through their articles of faith and point out a few home truths to these doom merchants. I’m not going to go through them all, just the ones that caught my critical eye, and then we’ll take it from there.

First up the very very VERY obvious issue of translation. They go on about how the Bible is the word of God and it is His word. Only lets be honest here it isn’t. The Bible most English speakers use today is based on the King James the First version. Which is at best a somewhat flawed translation. And now we’re using AV7 (Authorised Version 7 of the King James Bible now in Modern English!) or the Third Millennial Bible. Both of which contain changes to help a modern reader. Or do they? How do we know what’s been lost in the translation? The short answer is that we don’t. But for the rest of these I’ll leave translation issues out of it for simplicity’s sake.

 Which pretty much rules out the whole of the 31 Articles of Faith. Well that Darwin. Evolution people! Even the Catholics (whom the card accuses of “acting against the interest of the Bible and the Lord God) have come around on Darwin.

Next up we have the 36 “Doctrines to be Rejected.” This delightful little bunch are the things that they choose not to believe. They include:

5 That Christ’s nature was immaculate. So the Virgin Mary WASN’T a virgin?! What are we teaching our kids in these nativities every year?!

16.That the resurrection is confined to the faithful. Wha?! So it’s NOT confined to the faithful?! Hallelujah!

17.That the dead rise in an immortal state. So no Zombies?

22.That “heathens”, idiots, pagans, and very young children will be saved. Doesn’t this go against 16? As they believe this to be false are we to assume that they want all babies, special needs adults, wizards and warlocks to burn and be tortured for eternity in Hell? Hmm… I find this very dubious (and okay I’ll come clean now. I identify myself as Pagan.) to say the least. Isn’t Christianity about tolerance not baby burning?

 27.That there is no sin in the flesh. A verse from Rocky Horror:

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can’t you just see it?

Don’t Dream It – Be It!

I know which way I’d sooner live my life that’s for sure!

32.That some meats are to be refused on the score of uncleanness. We all love a good bacon butty don’t we?

33.That the English are the ten tribes of Israel, whose prosperity is a fulfilment of the promises made concerning Ephraim. Finally one we can agree on!

35.That we are at liberty to serve in the army, or as police constables, take part in politics, or recover debts by legal coercion. So… they don’t believe in a good Christian Army, no Christian police or politicians nor the recover of debts. I’m willing to bet right now the people running this are in mountains of debt so this one is added as a get out clause. You can’t arrest me Officer! My religion doesn’t recognise you as being a police officer goes against the Law of God!

And finally we have the 55 Commandments of Christ. Again of which I’m going to comment on a select few:

5 Agree with your adversary quickly, submitting even to wrong for the sake of peace. (Matthew 5:25; 1 Corinthians 6:7) Well at least I don’t have to fear a backlash! They all agree with me for the sake of Peace. I can get behind that. Awesome!

44.Refrain utterly from adultery, fornication, uncleanness, drunkenness, covetousness, wrath, strife, sedition, hatred, emulation, boasting, vain-glory, envy, jesting, and foolish talking (Ephesians 5:3-4) Don’t we need a little bit of fornication for the species to continue?

55. If a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given her for a covering. (1 Corinthians 11:15) So all women need to look like Cousin It from the Addams Family?! Someone has a fetish for hairy ladies me thinks…

So yeah… Considering an hour back I had the worlds second worst case of writers block on record I think I’ve pulled this one from out of thin air!

In fact I will end with a quote from one of my favourite films, Dogma:

When are you people going to learn? It’s not about who’s right or wrong. No denomination’s nailed it yet, because they’re all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn’t matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains gotta to wake up.

Have a good week people and remember – Those who promise all the answers rarely have even begun to appreciate the questions!

The Truthseeker – exclusively for bewarethespaceman.com!