Press Start (If You Can)

It wasn’t really an attempt to go “retro”, but after decorating a bedroom I decided the room could do with a TV and a Blu‑ray player. Yes, I subscribe to Netflix and the rest. But something annoyed me — oddly not the prices going up every year. That’s sort of expected now, a fact of life sadly. It was the fact that I owned nothing.

I don’t know if part of the urge was prompted by Sony’s announcement that they were no longer producing physical game discs. Was it nostalgia? Either way, my mind was set.

I’ve got a decent Blu‑ray collection from the early 2010s. If there’s been a retro reaction column on it, chances are there’s a disc somewhere.

The problem: by this time the budget was completely out. But I’m lucky enough to live near a car boot. So I prepared the space where this new TV was going to stand — bottom of the room, bed beside the window. Perfect.

This was where the problems started.

For clarity, I live in the UK, so your old TV problems might not be my old TV problems.

First stall I came to: a Wharfedale TV. Not too big, has HDMI, perfect. Or so I imagined. I passed over my five English pounds. Yes — a TV for a fiver.

Score: Money Spent £5 Time Spent: 20 minutes Sanity Level: It’s fine

First thing I noticed was the on/off button on the remote didn’t work. But pressing channel 1 brought it to life. So I plugged my aerial (found in the attic) in and found absolutely nothing.

Score: Money Spent £5 Time Spent: 50 minutes Sanity Level: Setbacks were expected. It was a fiver. It’s fine

In previous years I’d have scoured the internet for a copy of the manual. Now, of course, I can put the model number into AI and a Kryten‑type response will tell me everything I need to know. This model of Wharfedale predates Freeview. To watch over‑the‑air stuff I’d need a separate box.

Thankfully I had an unused Fire Stick. That would do.

Knowing I can’t turn certain buttons, surely this will fix my remote woes. After a lengthy attempt at remote tuning, Kryten tells me that Wharfedale TVs very often go faulty on the on/off circuit. Okay…

So no regular TV, but streaming apps. Not quite how we set out, but not so bad.

Score: Money Spent £5 Time Spent: 1 hr 35 minutes (pratting around with analogue tuner and universal remote codes) Sanity Level: FINE — got to be, hasn’t it

I ordered a Blu‑ray player from Cash Converters. £10, no remote, but heck — I only need to press play. Or so I thought.

Nope. The last owner used 1080p, and my little bedroom fiver telly is 720p. Okay, I can just change the setting. But there’s no remote.

Kryten, help.

I have a Wii U with a universal remote feature. I bring the GamePad. After a lengthy setup process it turns the player on and off… and that’s it. Kryten advises me this is because the Wii U is from 2012 and doesn’t do most universal features.

Of course this advice comes after I’ve tried every remote code going.

I remember a family member has one of those universal remotes they couldn’t get to work. They gladly pass it to me. Then finally… finally… I can see the Blu‑ray menu.

Score: Money Spent £15 Time Spent: 2 hr 55 minutes (reset button presses, Wii U GamePad, different cables) Sanity Level: I’m getting a twitch

Now I have one HDMI slot and two devices: one Fire Stick (TV) and my Blu‑ray player. That’s okay — I have an HDMI switcher (back to the attic). But the early promises go wrong again. The switch doesn’t make the HDMI handshake with the Blu‑ray player.

I can make do changing cables at the start of the movie.

Score: Money Spent £15 Time Spent: 3 hr 40 minutes (trying settings, swapping cables) Sanity Level: KO

Last night I watched part of my movie. I used no bandwidth. The picture was good. But I fell asleep.

Physical media is not the most convenient way. But in my opinion, at least, it’s worth it. I have films coming in the mail again for the first time in a long time. And those carboots should be more fun too — hunting for new discs.